My Story
Police training school

Finishing Police Training School

He decided to deal with the instructor by jumping on him, putting him in a headlock and dragging him to the pretend Police training school station
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Dishforth Police training school

Police Bonding and Body Parts

The bonding games got worse. There was the dance of the flaming arseholes, where you grip a lit sheet of newspaper between your bum cheeks.
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Police self defence and fitness training

Police Fitness and Self-Defence

The officer taking us for the fitness lessons had a hobby of ripping the legs off puppies, dipping them in Tabasco sauce and eating them raw
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Police on parade

Dishforth Police Training College

At Dishforth there were 200 police wanting to test drive their truncheon
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The Yorkshire Ripper

The Yorkshire Ripper

I stood by the open door of the cell as they beat a confession from the Yorkshire Ripper with a wet, rolled up newspaper.
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I see dead people

I See Dead People

In the middle of the room were two cold, grey trolleys with motionless, dead,naked bodies on them
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Rebel without a cause

Rebel Without a Cause

I was a rebel and felt like “Jack the Ripper's” crimes were merely minor errors in judgement compared to mine.
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Mouth zipped shut


For thirty years, my mouth has been trussed up tighter than a Member of Parliaments gimp mask.
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